I had never felt like wanting to go home as much as i did last night.
I just kept questioning,
What if i hadn't come here?
What if i had been there for her?
What if i could have made her feel just that little bit better?
Why on bloody earth did i come here?
Seriously coming here has caused me nothing but trouble.
I mean sure, i made a lot of really special friendships,
and nothing would make me regret that,
but at the end of the day,
my reason for being here is not the same as other peoples.
This was my easy way out of uni,
incase i had failed all my subjects,
incase i was going to be kicked out..
but the fact is i wasn't going to be kicked out,
i found that out, before my acceptance to this program even came
but here i am anyway..
all because of the same thing..
A GUY. A stupid guy.
It's always about guys.
and being here, it hasn't taken me away from thinking about guys,
it's making me think about guys even more.
and what the hells the point,
in 6 months or a years time, we will all go back to our real lives.
the ones we so desperately wanted to leave behind.
Right now all i'm doing is living a dream..
thinking that everything back home is okay.
but in actual fact it isn't,
and i have to be ready to face that when i get home..
taking time off it, won't fix whats waiting for me,
it'll just put it off for awhile.
As for my guy problems,
I still like him..
and i just feel so stupid for feeling like this.
I drank my feelings the other night,
and I cried like anything,
it's so stupid that guys can make girls so sad and hurt.
They shouldn't be allowed to.
and just liking him is just so frustrating and causes problems.
I should just get over him.
2 nights ago, another guy told me he is crushing on me,
and even though i think he is cute,
and despite the fact i DID have a crush on him,
i just keep thinking about the other guy..
my heart just aches.
and i HATE it.
